7 Action Steps to Start Healing from Toxicity and Emotional Abuse
Practice Mindfulness:
Spend 5-10 minutes daily focusing on an anchor, such as your breath or a simple mantra like "I am enough” or “I am worthy of safety and care.”
Allow yourself to feel your feelings rather than think your feelings. Notice if you get caught in a spiral of automatic thoughts and redirect attention back to the body.
Rhythm, Movement and Vagal Nerve Toning:
Rhythmic sensory input calms your nervous system and rewires your brain towards safety. Drum, play an instrument, dance, walk, run, or do any other rhythmic activity.
Move your body frequently so that your feelings do not become trapped in your muscles and tissues.
Humming, chanting, and singing help tone the Vagus Nerve, which regulates your autonomic nervous system.
Reframe Negative Thoughts:
Replace "Why is this happening to me?" with "What does this situation have to teach me?" or “How is this situation inviting me to grow?”
A few times each day, intentionally bring attention to pleasant experiences or moments of beauty. When you are hooked into negative thinking, ask yourself “what is going well?” or “where is there goodness in my life?”
Seek Positive Relationships:
Surround yourself with people who affirm your worth, energize you, and encourage your healing.
Limit exposure to people who are critical or who drain your energy and discourage your healing.
Take Agency. Set Boundaries to Reclaim your Time and Mental Real Estate:
Remember that you do not have to participate in toxic dynamics. Give yourself permission to disengage.
Make a detailed list of what you are available for and what you are not available for.
Do not allow the toxic situation to take up space in your mind, heart, or body. Strengthen your attentional control so that you can redirect attention to an anchor in the present moment, if you notice yourself being hijacked by a toxic situation.
Double Down on Self-Care:
Engage in activities that nourish your wellbeing, such as yoga, massage, journaling, cooking healthy meals, or spending time in nature.
Bring attention to what you are taking in. Increase intake of leafy greens and healthy proteins, and drink extra water to flush cortisol and lactic acid out of your system. Decrease intake of sugar, grains, and alcohol.
Avoid media content or participating in activities or conversations that deplete or trigger you.
Give yourself space to cry, scream, and shake.
Get Support: Asking for help is a powerful first step toward healing.
Call 911 for all emergencies.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (2-24453)
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
What Do I Do If I’m Being Emotionally Abused?
Content below is quoted from bandbacktogether.com
Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and can be dangerous. If you do not have friends or family that can help you, please contact a local women’s shelter or other organization that can help you safely leave the abusive relationship. Here are some tips for things you can do to help yourself if you’re being emotionally abused:
Make yourself physically and emotionally well – step one will always be to make sure you’re getting all the help you can. Stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Take care of your needs. Do something that will help you think positive and affirm who you are.
Establish healthy emotional boundaries with your abuser – Firmly tell the abusive person that they may no longer yell at you, call you names, insult you, be rude to you, and so on. Then, tell them what will happen if they choose to engage in this behavior.
Stop blaming yourself – guilt may be the enemy of emotional abuse victims. What’s happened to you is not your fault – you couldn’t have known what your partner would do. If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for any amount of time, you may believe that there is something severely wrong with you. Why else would someone who says they love you act like this, right? But you are not the problem. Abuse is a choice.
Realize that you cannot “fix” the abusive person. Despite your best efforts, you will never be able to change an emotionally abusive person by doing something different or by being different. An abusive person makes a choice to behave abusively. Remind yourself that you cannot control their actions and that you are not to blame for their choices. The only thing you can fix or control is your response.
Do not engage with an abusive person. In other words, if an abuser tries to start an argument with you, begins insulting you, demands things from you or rages with jealousy, do not try to make explanations, soothe their feelings or make apologies for things you did not do. Simply walk away from the situation if you can.
Build a support network. Stop being silent about the abuse you are experiencing. Talk to a trusted friend, family member or even a counselor about what you are experiencing. Take time away from the abusive person as much as possible and spend time with people who love and support you.
Work on an exit plan. If your partner, friend, or family member has no intention of changing or working on their poor choices, you will not be able to remain in the abusive relationship forever. It will eventually take a toll on you both mentally and physically.
If your safety has been threatened, don’t hesitate to contact the local authorities.
Educate yourself about emotionally abusive relationships.
Remember that you’re not alone. The abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be abused. Help is out there.